…you’ve spent the last hour doubled over at this hilariously bad advert for your home town. Back in the day, Spalding was the place to spend your teenage years trying to leave. And now they want to get more people there! Even the lady doing the voice over doesn’t have a clue what’s going on. She pronounces Ayscoughfee Hall as ass-coffee-hall and you can just hear her confusion. Imagine that conversation – ‘Julie, we’re gonna need you to say that line again.’ ‘About ass coffee? But I don’t get it!’ She also says something about having ‘a great time’…in Spalding. So many LOLs. Watch out for that classic 90s vibe, it’s still going strong in Lincolnshire.
It’s great, right? But there’s loads of stuff missing! Here’s what else you can find in Spalding:
The greasy burger bar that sits just out of shot in that beautiful market scene
A gang of High School teens furiously smoking in the alley beside the Civic Centre, giving the stink eye to Gleed Schoolers
AMRCN BRGER – the sign for American Burger bar that only recently earned a few more letters
The town’s most popular recreational area – A park? Sort of, Sainsbury’s car park on a Sunday night
Underaged, boob-tubed teens swigging their Breezers in the Punch Bowl pub
Remember Pilot? GAME? Springfields does. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mad House or Athena popped up next week
The bottom part of Springfields’ Main Street U.S.A, a bit like the basement in The I.T crowd, where all the outlets go to finally die a slow, heavily discounted retail death.
The car park behind the library that would turn into a funfair every summer, eventually washing away all the regretful vom piles and packing up all the dead goldfish in bags, hardened candy floss and people’s dreams
Ahh Spalding, never change.